Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
