Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
that's an acceptable place to lick
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize