How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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