I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
