I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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