why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
