do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
