Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
