i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
