Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
