M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my liver is dry heaving
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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