I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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