Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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