I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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