I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
