Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
