Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
