thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
