I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
