can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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