he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
