what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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