i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
