but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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