3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
