I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
