So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it because I queefed?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
