I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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