I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
