K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
