shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Randomize
