TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Who did Billy Mays play for?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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