i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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