Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
