Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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