Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
