Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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