I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
