Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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