this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
