Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
