i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
