please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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