I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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