I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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