On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
