hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
