Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
