Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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