Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
