u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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