So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
