Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
