we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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