the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
