Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
