that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sorry my hands just texted you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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