About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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