I will die if light touches me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
