So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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