Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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