there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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