My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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