***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
