What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
