I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
