Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
