Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
