I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
that may or may not have been my penis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
