my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
