She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i would one night stand the shit outta him
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
