I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
