Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize