And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
