Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
