Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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