I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
