just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
