my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
