love makes seman taste better
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
