Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is my gift to your gina
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
